Food by Jude   Eat well, live long and have more fun!

Black Bean Cassoulet (Feijoada) & Orange Onion Salsa with Savory Italian Zucchini Muffins

I had a dream last night. In it, my friend Emily asked me if I was a chain saw “artiste”. She wanted me to carve a centerpiece out of cheese for her next party - obviously to impress her other friends.

I agreed. But, since I didn’t have a working chain saw, I went to a thrift shop where I found a battery operated carving knife for $1.50. A few hours later, I had modeled a 3-foot high replica of Elvis out of Velveeta cheese.

Needless to say, her guests were speechless.

Emily always has interesting parties. It is that little extra touch that makes a party memorable. I read (this is true) that a famous Washington, D.C. hostess once threw a party where large turtles roamed the patio with lighted candles on their backs. I don’t think it was a PETA party.

Our two cats, Xena and Austin Powers recently made appearance at one of our parties - making it The Social Event of the season. Of course I had to beg and pay them handsomely. But it was worth it to maintain my reputation.

The most important thing to consider, when planning a party is this – will you have time to clean your house before the guests arrive?

Using a dusty tabletop as a guest book doesn’t seem charming to everyone. Some people have no appreciation of true creativity.

Theme parties are always a hit. Surprisingly, the shyest or least likely will often get into the mood, given enough time. I think it is the inner child in all of us wanting to come out and play.

So, if you want to have a party, give it a theme. Some really fun parties we’ve been to this year were a 50’s party, a Luau, and a French party.

Invitations went out long enough before the parties so we could really think about our costumes, and they were fantastic!

But, food is the focal point of any party.

Make it easy on yourself. If you are not a possessor of the cooking gene, buy food at the deli or one of the warehouse stores. They have platters and entrees that are good.

If you like to cook, keep it simple so you can enjoy our own party.

If you make great lasagna, beef stew, chili, etc. serve it! You won’t stress out serving a familiar dish. It is only the extremely confident (or goofy) that will serve a previously untried dish to company.

I like to feature a slightly unusual, but not weird main dish that I can make ahead and reheat. A big salad is almost required. With the pre-washed bags of greens now available, this becomes an easy chore.

A special, homemade, or store-bought bread is a nice touch. Have both butter and a no-trans fat spread available for your guests. Put out extra knives for the butter or spread.

And now, about the centerpiece; I think a fun or really pretty centerpiece, reflecting the theme, pulls the whole thing together.

Sorry, but I am no longer in the chain-saw cheese sculpting business. But, you might get in touch with Emily and borrow the Elvis.

• Show me the recipes!

Alice’s Favorite Meatballs & Smart Sausage, Italian Style

Freedom means many things - The freedom to speak, the right to remain silent, freedom to worship, freedom of choice.

But, to a parent in September, freedom means one thing – “they’re back in school!”

Now, a period of adjustment begins. We look forward to peaceful afternoons without hearing the words, “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do”. Unfortunately, this euphoria quickly passes, giving way to endless evenings ringing with the sounds of “I have too much homework”.

September also means adding a new responsibility to our Resume, that of the on-call chauffeur. In addition to our regular jobs, we now are donning our driving caps and racking up miles (and lots of gas bills) going to and fro to football practice, water polo matches, marching band, cheerleading, scouts, etc.

This is called The Joy of Parenting. A delight, only fully appreciated, when the kids are married, with children of their own. At this point, we can “joyfully” fill them in on all the fun stuff they have to look forward to.

In the meantime, they must be fed. With all those activities, and all that homework, they are hungry - and we are tired!

They are often happy if you say you are too tired to cook, because that means fast food and a triple double, super-sized.

Now is the time for the sequel to the “Joy of Parenting”, “Outsmarting the Offspring”. A challenge equal to splitting the atom, or finding a cure for the common cold.

But, it can be done. Age and treachery will always win out over youth and inexperience.

My secret weapon - a freezer full of meatballs!

Kids like meatballs. They taste like hamburgers and look like baby basketballs. Little tots have fun rolling them around the plate. Big kids try to see how many they can cram in their mouth at once. This is good because it prevents them from complaining about homework for a few minutes.

Meatballs can be prepared n a number of quick and easy ways:

• Topped with marinara sauce & served with pasta or rice
• On garlic bread with a little marinara and Parmesan cheese
• With brown gravy and mashed potatoes with BBQ sauce and au gratin potatoes
• With Enchilada sauce, rice and refried beans

Wrap hot meatballs in flavored flour tortillas with your favorite toppings, lettuce, cheese, etc.

Thread pieces of pineapple, onion and green pepper with meatballs on wooden skewers and microwave ‘til heated through. Serve with teriyaki sauce and rice.

I love meatballs. They give me freedom. Freedom from those dreaded words – “what for dinner?”, because I’ve done my homework!.

• Show me the recipes!

Beatrice’s Bravo Brownies & Carne Yerba Buena

I love sugar.

It tastes good. A spoonful of it makes the medicine go down. It makes kids eat grapefruit, and it gives us energy. It is low in calories and fat free. But…

It will rot your teeth if you forget to brush (reference Elizabeth I and her ebony smile). It attracts ants, and is accused of making kids hyperactive.

I was the “room mother” for my son’s 2nd grade class. On one occasion, I had come to class early, before the other mothers, to set up for a party. While I was there, the teacher had to step out for a few minutes. Most of the class sat quietly as she had instructed. There were however, a few little boys who came to life as if they had gotten a jump-start at Indy.

They ran around, poked other kids, pulled hair, jumped up and down, looked at the resident hamster in its cage, and collapsed in laughter. (The hamster
was quite a jokester). Just then, the teacher returned, and the other moms arrived. We set up the goodies and it was party time.

The kids got up and began to partake in the brownies and lemonade.

The very same boys who had let loose a few minutes before, were again, up to the same antics. “It’s the sugar”, said one mother, and the rest agreed.

I was a silent witness for the defense, but the jury is still out. Who or what is this sinister scamp called sugar?

Sugar cane, a pre-historical tropical grass, originated some where in the Pacific Islands, possibly, New Guinea.

By 800 BC, early refining of sugar had begun in the Middle and Far East. The cane would be pounded to extract the juice, which then would be boiled down
to produce a crude sugar resembling gravel. The Sanskrit word, “sharkara”, also means gravel. The ancient Chinese word for sugar means stone honey.

It didn’t take long for this tasty treat to reach Europe. One of Alexander the Great’s commanders, upon first tasting sugar cane, said it was “the reed that gives honey without bees”.

And it spread like honey all over Europe. In 1390 a more efficient press was designed which spurred an explosion of sugar plantations in Spain. By 1420 it was growing in Madeira, the Azores and the Canaries Islands.

In 1493, Chris Columbus, that cruising Casanova, stopped briefly in the Canary Islands to pick up wine and water for his second voyage to the New World. He also picked up Beatrice, the governor of the Islands, and stayed for a month! Beatrice gave him sugar cane clippings; the first to reach the Americas.

Sugar is synonymous with romance. Valentine’s Day means flowers and candy, not flowers and calamari.

Sugar itself is a term of endearment. You don’t hear people calling their loved ones cabbages - with the exception of the French. “Mon petite choux choux” means “my little cabbage”, but they can make anything sound romantic.

I love to cook with sugar, but in moderation. I’ve even tried experimenting with Splenda, the new sugar substitute that is made from sugar. I made some brownies with Splenda that came out pretty good. Ben took one bite and called me his little cabbage.

How sweet it is.

• Show me the recipes!

Chicken Vin Blanc w/Fresh Asparagus Piccata

Homemade. Sounds great. Something prepared with only the freshest ingredients, stirred and simmered to perfection, under the careful and loving eye of Mom.

But, not everyone cares as much as Mom, and, not everyone is as good a cook. And, well, sometimes neither is Mom; but at least she knows what you like, and will pick it up at the drive-through.

“Homemade” appears on the menu of many dinner parties. Most of the time it is good and well received. But, once in a while something ”homemade” is served, and after a bite or two, you wonder what home, the Home for the Culinary Inept?

But, maybe it isn’t the cook, or the dish, but the diner. Just recently I was talking with a bachelor friend of ours who has had countless meals with us over the years. He began by telling me that once, when he was over for dinner, I served something that made him gag! He didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so he ate it anyway.

He’s a good friend, and I’m glad he finally leveled with me, but I wish he had done it then, I could have whipped him up a plate of cat food.

We’ve all been there. The host or hostess doesn’t know you hate a certain food, and there it is, Okra en Croute. One bite, and you’re drinking water like a camel after a fortnight in the dessert. It’s a little too late to say, “Oh, I forgot, I’m allergic to okra”.

Now, when I invite guests, I always tell them what I am planning to serve. I also ask them if there are foods they are allergic to – or dislike. This makes it comfortable for everyone. It also saves money.

I hate to spent a mint on morels, mung beans and mutton, and have it end up in the trash.

The most common allergens are milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts (walnuts, cashews, etc.), fish, shellfish, wheat and soy. This covers a lot of territory, but not as much as food dislikes which are legion.

Some of the more common food dislikes in the US are liver, lima beans, okra, Spam, brains and broccoli. Other foods to consider if planning menus for the unknown, are jalapenos or other very hot peppers, and intensely spiced dishes such as curries. Which might seem to leave almost nothing! But as they say, everybody likes chicken (except vegetarians), so it is almost always a safe bet.

Save that great recipe for the Crab and Cashew Omelet for annoying in-laws or ex-spouses who are late with support payments.

• Show me the recipes!